One year | Looking back

I’ve never posted about this time of my life, with the fear of saying something I might regret; predominantly due to being in the heat of the moment. Considering the time that has passed, I figured it’s time I shared some of my experiences from this, as it is quite a major turning point in my life. It is by no means a re-hash of this particular time, but in order for me to move forward, I need to step back and reflect on what I’ve learned over the last year, reflect on the overall experience rather than the darker parts of this time.

. . .

June 24, 2015; a day I’ll never forget. A day which not only marked the beginning of a rental contract, but a day which signified new beginnings and independence. This time last year, I was a terrified 21 year-old who kicked off the day, business as usual, but ended the day with a rental contract and new keys up my sleeve.

It’s worth calling out at this point that the months prior to moving out were not the best months of my life. I honestly thought that life has gotten to an all-time low and I needed to take control of my life – I needed to find a way to enjoy life again. (Don’t get me wrong, my life wasn’t a complete wreck – I was on track to finishing my degree and had a great job… the emotional/mental aspects of my life however, were not in the best shape.)

When I moved out, I thought that some of the pain I felt would be alleviated considering I’ve physically taken myself out of the situations which triggered it. I never would have thought that the move would merely make it worse, that it would sever ties with those I held close to my heart. Months went by, but I kept trying. I kept pushing my way through the emotional boulder which has lodged itself between me and forgiveness.

At this point, you’re probably wondering what on earth I’ve done and whose fault it was to begin with; and my answer for you is it doesn’t matter.

. . .

I have had quite a treacherous journey in the last 365 days. The emotional stress and hardships I’ve endured over the year have definitely put me to the test; but these are also what has made me the person I am today.  And here are the two key things I can attribute to this particular moment in my life.

Resilience

If I was to tell you what it is I learned the most throughout the last year, it would be resilience. It sounds like an easy concept, ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties’ (Google definition), but it is a tough skill to master. The strength required to pick yourself up from your lowest point is enormous. The ability to carry on with your daily lives (whether it’s work or study or anything else) even with negativity clouding your judgement, consumes all your energy. The need to hide behind a facade of perfectionism even when your world seems to be falling apart becomes taxing.

But you see, the more you go through challenges in life, the more you learn to deal with it. You not only learn how to come to terms with it, but you learn who you become under certain circumstances, which enables you to adjust accordingly.

Bravery

As a person still transitioning into the adult world (otherwise known as ‘adulting’), there have probably been hundreds of new experiences I’ve had to throw myself into – especially if I count all the way back to filling out rental application forms! I used to be an incredibly timid girl however somewhere down the line – maybe (just maybe) the fact that I now live on my own and have nobody else to bail me out on ‘scary’ situations, has forced me to tackle things head on.

Despite the challenges I faced pre and post moving out, I am still extremely proud of the person I was 365 days ago – for being brave enough to give it a go. For being brave enough to face all the uncertainties ahead of me, with some level of certainty that all of it would be at some sort of cost.

. . .

I know I avoided delving into the detail throughout this post – I’m sorry. I wanted to share my insights and what I’ve learned, not re-hash the issue(s) and relive it all over again.

– a.

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